Ecclesiastes 3:1,7 - "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak." The wise man says here that there is time to keep silence. The problem is where do we have to be quiet. We talk, and in the time when we need to talk, we keep silence. When silence reigns in the relationship, death reigns and it begins to speak. You cannot build your success or your ministry on the debris of a marriage. Be frank with each other. It is better a truth told than a truth found out. It is better to confess a temptation than to confess a fall. What is true shouldn’t be concealed.
Abraham dismissed Hagar at Sarai's request. (Now the opposite) The man who heard the woman's voice. Genesis 16: 2 "And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai." Was it easy for Sarah to do what she did? But she tore her heart, she emptied herself because her dream was to have a child. She talked about her dream. Then, she opened her heart to her husband again, and said, "Cast out this bondwoman and her son." Genesis 21:10. She expressed what was bothering her, she emptied her heart. Contemporarily, one of the reasons for broken-down marriages is to have to put up with what bothers or threatens existence.
One thing each day, and that reaches the proportion of a snowball with no solution. According to Ed Wheat, author of the book "Love That Does not Quench," the silence of the husband, the apparent indifference to the wife's feelings, and his refusal to discuss things with her, can destroy the marriage. He also states that, “infidelity kills thousands and silence kills ten Thousands.”
The lack of dialogue in the marriage can cause the multiple failure of all which was built throughout the union. The woman is born to talk. That is an inherent need of her.
The woman spends a part of her life in the company of other women (mother, aunts, friends) and when she gets married she wants to talk with her husband as if he were another woman.
At some point in your conversation with your wife, did you notice why you did not look at her? You can answer and say: Darling, I hear with my ear. But she wants to talk while looking into your eyes. Sometimes the greatest desire of the woman is not that the husband gives a solution, but that he listens to her.
Before touching any other part of the woman, touch her ears. Many men, during the day, treat the woman like a plebeian, putting only trash in her ear, and at night, they want to treat them like queens with crowns and everything else.
The Bible says "speaking the truth in love." The deepest wounds come from those we love the most. Criticism kills, that's why stones of criticism and censorship should not be thrown.
You have to know how to speak, so that your spouse knows what you think about him or her, otherwise the marriage may end. The inspired word says, "Let no a clumsy word proceed out of your mouth". That means a word that hurts, that offends, a deceitful and unnecessary word. If what you are going to say does not edify the spouse, it is better not to say it. Just say a word when it's better than silence. Try to pronounce words of softness, wisdom and forgiveness. A Chinese proverb says, "If you are patient at a moment of anger, you are avoiding a hundred years of repentance."
Many of us as leaders are kind enough to talk to outsiders, but we have difficulty talking to those at home! The tolerance rate for others is ten, but for our own family, it is zero. You learn more when you hear than when you talk.
The servant of God says, "The true greatness of a man is measured by the force of feeling and emotions he can subdue". A good word nourishes, how? Proverbs 16:24 says, "Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones." Try to plant a flower of softness in the heart of your spouse, and a garden of peace will flourish in your marriage. The couple that does not live complaining, nor hiding anything from each other, reaches an excellent level of confidence and satisfaction in their relationship because the freedom to speak the truth, with love, will provide a full and wholesome communication.
May God bless our families.
By Adalício Fontes - Portugal
